“Dear Crispy, I am a regular visitor to your blog and would like some advice.I am in my mid twenties and I was dating a guy for almost 4 years.After all these years when I pressed for marriage, he expressed that he could not commit.He was not sure if I was the girl for him.We broke up but I can’t seem to understand why would a guy not want to be with me.Was there something wrong with me?We had such fun 4 years together.How do I move on? “ Sarah, 24, Singapore “ Answer : Dear Sarah, I am glad you visit our site often.Yours is not a single case.It is perfectly normal to take time to move on esp. when you are on the receiving end and have not had your closure.If a man after 4 years is not confident enough to commit to you, you should be glad you didn’t waste more time on him and that it is over.[pullquote]The first thing to remember after any break up, is that it is not the end of the world and secondly he is not the only guy left on the face of this earth[/pullquote].It may seem difficult at the time of breakup but you must trust that whatever happens,happens for the best.If you had a breakup before, you would know that everyone moves and so will you.If you remember this, it will be easier for you to go ahead with your life. To your second point about having 4 fun years and not knowing he won’t commit,I would say, that often than not, the signs are always there.I am sure he gave them to you too, but as girls we tend to ignore them and believe in hope.We believe we can love a man enough to make him commit to us.I am sure you noticed signs of him withdrawing and when you did, you made more effort in the relationship to ensure you don’t lose him.It is a normal behavior observed in girls where they compensate and hold on tighter when their partner withdraws.They claw deeper when the man goes apart.If you look back, I am sure you would notice that you were making much more effort than he did. I understand your self-esteem would be low at this point but you must know that this breakup is not because of you.Often men break up due to lack of commitment only when they do not trust themselves enough to commit or themselves lack self-confidence to be able to carry a relationship.So say even if you forced your ex into committing, you would ultimately have issues as mentally he would not be ready.[pullquote]All girls must remember a big thumb rule- You can suggest a man to commit but never force him.Commitment needs to be mutual only then is it successful[/pullquote]. You have a new phase at hand so use it to the best.Go out, engage in things that you love and never did because you were in a relationship and then wait for a man who is confident enough to be able to seal a relationship with you. Last and most important, do not let your ex rent space in your mind.It might be hard but forgive him.Do not forget what he did but do forgive and understand everything happens for a reason.Once you let go of the negativeness, it will be easier to move on and you will get your closure. Hope this helps. x The Crispy Corner
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