Many people ask my why so many relationships fail today? There are a couple of reasons that can be attributed to the fragility of bonds in today’s time. The most prime being, the option to be able to walk out. Every individual, both men and women unlike twenty years back are financially independent. To top it, the tolerance level has decreased and the ego has increased. Together these two reasons form a strong cause for people to not work on their problems but rather take the easy way and walk out.
One key thing I suggest to people who come to me for help is to stop assuming you can walk out of a relationship in a jiffy. When you fight with your parents or siblings do you leave them? Perhaps not. Do you change your relationship status to ” orphan”? Definitely not. Then why do you break up with your partner in seconds and change your relationship status to single?
Unless your partner is physically abusive or cheating on you, most issues can be worked out. However, to have that mindset of wanting to make things work, stop using phrases such as the below when you fight:
“I need a divorce now”
“I can’t handle this relationship. I am breaking up”
“We are done”
“I can’t believe you are the person I fell in love with”
“Thank god we are not married”
” You are the worst bf/gf I ever had”
“I don’t want to stay with you anymore”
“That’s it, I am done with this shit”
All the above phrases are negative and indicate that somewhere deep down, you know you can walk out. Which is true.You can definitely walk out, but having that feeling passively hidden inside you might subconsciously lead you to put in a little lesser effort in making up compared to a situation where you know the only option you have, is to make it work. Not to forget, that these phrases question your relationship and emotionally hurts your partner. You might justify and say that you did not mean it and said it in the spur of your angry moment. In fact, you might even make up few minutes later, but negative statements esp. those that question the basis of your relationship will always leave you feeling sour.
Avoid saying things related to break up and divorce in small pretty fights.[pullquote]Avoid saying things related to break up and divorce in small pretty fights. [/pullquote]If you are someone who gets emotionally charged and has no control over his or her words, don’t say anything to your partner till you calm down. Tell him/her to give you few minutes off. The time off will pacify you and prevent you from saying hurtful phrases during your fight.
Remember, at the end of the day, it is not about you or your partner. It is about your relationship. It doesn’t matter who bends down first and it doesn’t matter who says sorry as long as both of you are on the same page of wanting to make up. It is a joint effort. Every couple fights. It is but normal.Fights are the best way to tell you how strong your relationship is.What you need to do is make the fight as less negative as possible.
“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.”
― Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven
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