I love my girlfriend a lot and so does she.We have been dating for a few months now.The problem is that she has a set of friends who she used to hang out with before she met me.I am ok with all of them except one guy who also happens to be a colleague of hers.I know she has no feelings for him but he still does.He has in fact proposed to her in the past as well and they still hang out very frequently with their common set of friends.I feel very uncomfortable when they hang out together even at work because I can tell he still likes her. I know work is unavoidable but am I unreasonable in asking her to not hang out with him after work just because she is dating me now. I don’t want to come off as a possessive boyfriend but I am a man and I know how men are.They don’t really care if you have a boyfriend.They will keep trying their luck and I just want to protect my gf from any such future problems”
Thanks for writing to us.It is perfectly normal to feel possessive in such a situation.People who have been together for years would feel this way and you have been dating only for a few months.So it is obvious to feel protective. As long as your girlfriend does not show any sign of attractiveness or over-friendliness with this guy, you should not have a reason to worry.However I do understand that this could still cause a certain amount of insecurity esp since you mentioned they often hang out.
My advice is a fairly simple one on this.Talk to your girlfriend but talk smartly.Do not demand or fight with her else you will come off as a super possessive boyfriend.Share your fears with her.Tell her why it may not be the best idea for her to hang out too often with him.From my experience when someone has strong feelings for you, you should avoid one on one’s with that person till you are sure you can be friends esp when you are already in a relationship with someone else.This does not mean you do not trust your partner.This just means that you are avoiding any complication that could possibly arise.Of course, since he is a colleague ,she cannot avoid him at work but she can definitely refrain from after work hangouts.If she cannot avoid them, she should ensure she hangs out only in groups or calls you along for you to become more secure and for her colleague to get the point that he must stop trying.
If she still dismisses them and tells you that she will continue hanging out with him,then perhaps you need to make her understand that this is important for you to have the relationship going smoothly.Show her a reverse case scenario and ask her how she feels.You need to make her empathize with your feelings rather than sympathize. If she loves you, she will understand.Love is not about wanting everything your way.Sometimes you have to do certain things against your will for your partners comfort.It is a two way street and compromises must be made at both ends for a happy relationship.
Talk her nicely, she will surely see your point.
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