When your man avoids marriage

“Marriage” is a word that scares many.Most of us know at least one couple that have broken up because one or the other person did not want to commit.

Right from Hollywood’s hitch phobic men like Leonardo De Caprio ,Gerard Butler or even George Clooney (he vowed to never walk the aisle till recently) to Bollywood star couple John Abraham and Bipasha Basu who broke up after ten years of relationship after John refused to get married.This issue has surely caused many heart breaks over time.

So what do you do when your man does not want to commit to you?Should you push it or move on?How long must you wait before you call it quits.These are the questions which every girl asks when their partner says the dreaded words- “I don’t want to marry right now”

Hopefully the below rules should help you through the journey of this issue and answer key questions :

• Do not rush into the topic of marriage before one year of courtship

The first year in any relationship is the honeymoon period.Every person is at the best of their behaviour.If you want to be sure that you are marrying the right person in the first place, wait for a year, after which ,you’ll gradually know the true man you might possibly need to live with rather than the guy who is trying to impress you.Of course there are exceptions, but try to date for a bit before letting the man know you are interested in a life commitment.

• Talking about marriage in a relationship is healthy and normal  :

Many people dread or fear talking about the topic of marriage because they do not know how their partners will react to it or they are scared of rejection.You need to remember that firstly if you feel strongly about taking your relationship to the next step, you should definitely talk about it no matter how uncomfortable the conversation might be.If you fear and avoid it, chances are that you will become frustrated as there will be an unresolved issue within you.This will lead to passive-aggression and you will get over-sensitive whenever anyone brings this topic up and most likely snap at your partner for no rhyme or reason.If you want to avoid internal conflict, talk it out.

It is also important to discuss your expectations from the relationship to ensure you are not keeping either person hanging. [pullquote] It is important to discuss your expectations from the relationship to ensure you are not keeping either person hanging.[/pullquote]Talking about marriage will only make you understand each others needs better.

• Communication is key :

If you have been in a relationship for over a year and feel prepared to take the next step but fear bringing it up , then it is  time for you to face your fears.If you are in a healthy relationship, you should not be worrying about bringing any topic in front of your partner no matter how uncomfortable it is.If your partner loves you, he will understand and help you overcome the discomfort.Talking awkward conversations will only make your communication with your partner better, more open and frank.

• It is red flag if your partner snaps at your for mentioning the “M” word.

It is ok to say no.It is not ok to be angry.If your partner doesn’t want to get married, it is fine.He might have his reasons and he should give you a good explaination  for that.But if he gets angry at you for bringing the topic up or says he doesn’t want to talk about it at all, it is a red flag that he might not commit to you.Getting cross at your partner for discussing key issues in a relationship reflects an escapist attitude, immaturity and insensitivity.

• Ask for solid reasons for refusal and stay calm.

Women have a tendency to talk fast, cry ,raise their pitch when they feel emotionally hurt.When a man says no to marriage , chances are you will get angry at him and say things you do not mean.In such a situation be calm, listen to your partner, ask him or her for an explaination. It is important to understand the hesitation behind it before jumping to conclusions.Maintain your composure as hard as it might be.

• If he gives you a plan instead of an outright refusal, you can consider giving it another shot.

If your boyfriend says he wants to marry you but just not now,ask him for a plan or a timeline.There is a difference between a man saying no and a man saying no for the time being.Sometimes men have pressures that women might not understand , that is job, family ,money or education.If your man however has a reasonable timeline and a plan for your life together and he is trustworthy perhaps you should give him a shot and wait but if he just says a flat no without a fixed plan, perhaps marriage is not on his mind and it might never be.

Plan : “I want to marry you but I need a year or two to settle down so we can have a good life together”

Refusal : “I don’t want to get married.Not now.I am not sure when .I want to focus on my career for now”

You can often sense the sincerity  by the way a man talks and then make a call.

• Time to call it quits if he is not sticking to his timeline.

You waited for somebody you love on the basis of his words but even then if he says no or needs more time,move on.He is only thinking about his needs and not what you want from life and chances are he will never be ready to settle.

• Do not push Marriage.It needs to be mutual.

There is no point pushing something as beautiful as marriage on someone.Force reduces its charm.Marriage should be consensual.You do not want to be one of those women who get married only because of the pressure they have put on their partner.Your partner should feel the need to commit to you as much as you want to commit to him.

[pullquote]There is no point pushing something as beautiful as marriage.It should be consensual[/pullquote]

Security and commitment cannot come with the sign of a paper.If you are pushing marriage to be secure and make him commit, don’t.Security and trust that your partner is and will be only yours comes from within.Only when both of you feel that assurance,should you go ahead with the next step.Forcing marriage on your boyfriend is like forcing someone to work in a job they don’t like.They might not leave but will work grudgingly and eventually snap.You don’t want to be in that position.

Marriage is a two way street.Let it be that way.

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