My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a little less than a year.Everything is going great however his best friend is a girl who he knows for over 5 years.I know her from the beginning of our relationship and I know they are really good friends and I should not be insecure.But if she has a problem, she calls him at random times even in the middle of the night and my boyfriend actually takes it.He even confides in her for things related to us.She is a nice girl and we get a long well but I am getting insecure of the fact that he gives her so much importance.She definitely seems to be a priority.I even asked him if he ever liked her but he said they are buddies and she is like a guy so there can never be any romantic feelings. I don’t complain much but I just don’t like it.Something in me is not happy with him talking so much to her.Am I over-reacting?”
It is normal for any girl to feel insecure if there is another girl in her man’s life who he gives a lot of importance to.I know girls who are even insecure of men giving attention to their mothers or sisters.These feelings are normal because by nature girls are possessive and attention seekers but what is important is to know how to handle these emotions and not let it get in the way of your relationship.
It is ok for men to have a best friend as a girl but personally I believe a line should be drawn once he has a girlfriend.You need to talk to him and draw out boundaries.First of all ,talking about your relationship to his best friend is a strict no.Your relationship issues should be only between the two of you and if he is talking to her about it, you need to put your foot down.No matter how good a friend she is, it doesn’t reflect right if he is talking to her all the time especially in the middle of the night.Night time is for both of you to de-stress and give each other time.Unless it is an emergency you need to tell him to not take calls after a certain time.It is ok for him to meet her separately occasionally but try and get yourself involved with them.This will help you know her better, increase your bond with her and feel less insecure.We fear the unknown.Once we know it, we can handle it better.
Communication is key so it is all about how you convey these boundaries to him.Do not crib or fight.Make your boyfriend understand your feelings calmly by rationalising with him.Ask him how would he feel if you did the same with another guy.He will surely understand better.
If you are feeling insecure or jealous, partly it is because you are a girl in love and partly it is perhaps true that your boyfriend does give his best friend a lot of importance.There is always some reason behind any emotion a girl feels.
Some might say it is harsh to ask your boyfriend to cut down his interaction with his friend who he probably knows before you but actually it is not.You are responsible to shield your relationship from any problems that could occur in the future.If you keep quiet now, your insecurity will not go away, but strengthen leading to built up frustration , jealousy and more arguments.Every couple makes adjustments when they are in a relationship to accommodate each others needs.This could mean leaving early from work, cutting down on meeting friends or reducing on taking work calls after a certain time.We are different individuals and bound to feel differently about various things so it all depends on how you can both work together.Your boyfriend should understand where your feelings are coming from and help you work through it together esp since you both are in the beginning phase of your relationship where you are still building the foundation of trust and communication.
Just remember don’t suffocate him or stop him from meeting her completely.Try and reach a middle ground with boundaries based on how each of you feel.
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