18 Things I Shouldn’t Do After a Heartbreak

 1. Hate them :

Yeah. It’s natural. They hurt me. It’s only human that my natural response is to hate them. In fact, some relationship advice says you should hate your ex, just so you’ll be careful not to end up in a relationship with someone similar again. But you know what? Other than the fact that hating someone is actually extremely tiring – it takes more effort to hate than to ignore – they really aren’t going to care if I hate them or not. Fact is, it’s over, and being the only person left expending energy hating, is, well, kinda loser-ish.

2. Take revenge :

Again, better to conserve energy. Also, the problem with revenge is: One, it’s not as good as it looks on the menu. Experience has taught me that after I’ve gone ahead and pulled the most crazy shit ass stunt on the planet, it’s not all that satisfying as revenge is supposedly cut out to be. Two, it’s a dish best served cold. Revenge turns a person into someone else, perhaps someone I never wanted to be, or will not even recognize. Why would I want to do that to myself? Three, it can be a never-ending story. If I take revenge, and they take revenge back, and… *yawn* #aintnobodygottimeforthat

3. Remember only the bad things :

I could hold on to the last nasty things they said, replay that last awful quarrel over and over in my mind, feel the same hurt feelings again and again or thinking about how it ended. Or, I could remember the time we spent together for what it was. Beautiful, and amazing.

4. Wish it never happened :

There are two reasons why I s wish it never happened. One, it hurts so bad that I just wish I had never met them so that I wouldn’t have to feel this way. But more so for me, it’s the second reason: Sometimes when you get to experience something so beautiful in life, it inevitably sets the bar that much higher. And the probability that I’ll ever get to experience something like that again in my lifetime gets slimmer and slimmer. So I might catch myself thinking, well, I wish I had never experienced it then, that way; I wouldn’t have all these high expectations now and a greater chance of being disappointed in the future. But what we forget is that everything happens for a reason. It happens so that we learn something from it. It happens to give us happiness and why would anyone reject happiness even if it is short-lived

5. Become bitter :

Ah, there’s always so much wrong in the world. Here’s just one more thing to make us hate everyone and feel like everything is against us. I suppose I could turn into one of those bitter old people who sits in a park and throws empty coke cans at couples making out on benches because I just can’t stand seeing people in love. Realistically speaking though, it’s easy to become bitter especially if we feel it was unfair, or when we don’t fully understand or get all the answers we need – or think we need. Sometimes in our search for “closure”, we ask ourselves all these questions, the how’s and why’s of the breakdown/break-up/heartbreak. I know there are times I just want to wring their neck and drown them in a barrage of questions ranging from “How could you?” to “But… but… but… why???” and the best of all, “Didn’t it mean anything to you?” But honestly, I know I’m not going to get any answers that will even begin to satisfy me. In fact, I can already give myself the answers they might say.I don’t know about you, but I definitely do not feel better knowing that. Better off not asking then.

6. Become an emotional booty call :

Especially if it was one of those whirlwind romances where we spent days and nights lying breathless in each other’s arms, chances are, I’ve probably been neglecting my friends quite a bit. Now’s not really the time to crawl back and call them up at 3am because I’m suffering from [insert their name here]-withdrawal symptoms and I need someone to listen to my whining. Also, it’s no one else’s responsibility to clean up after my own shit. I’m not about to make my problem someone else’s problem. No one’s obligated to even listen to me, really. I’m thankful I have friends that care about me, and I’m not going to try and lose them this way.

7. Kill myself :

There really shouldn’t be anything in this world that makes one do this. Not even any of these ‘Just War’ theories. Nothing is worth giving up the life that was bestowed upon me. Trust me, I’ve been to hell and back on plenty occasions in my life – you name it, just ask me – and I’ve never once felt like life wasn’t worth living for. There’s always a solution. There’s always a better way. And there’s always a tomorrow worth looking forward to. Besides, I’ve never believed in choosing the easy way out.

8. Do nothing :

I suppose just as easy as it is to do a shit load of nonsensical things that gets you nowhere to actually recovering from the heartache, doing nothing is just as bad.I think heartache should be treated just like any other ache or wound: with medication, proper treatment and time for recovery. Yes, it actually takes some effort to get over it. I’ve come to realize I actually need to do things to get closer and closer to recovery. The effect of doing nothing is you develop internal coping strategies to otherwise function, usually involving some form of numbing yourself to the pain, and thereby building a wall around yourself that you’ll find very hard to break down later when you need to. I certainly don’t want to be numb. Because it means I won’t feel again. And I always want to be open to feeling love.

9. Wallow in self-pity :

Why did it happen to me? Why me? Poor me. I’m just going to dig a nice cozy, comfortable hole for myself here, and I’m just going to bury myself under the nice hot sand, and I’m never coming out again, thank you very much. That’s great for a spa idea and all (sand is a great natural exfoliator, as is sea salt), but really, at some point you’ll start to see life passing you by. And I don’t want to be stuck in that hole on a deserted island and watch the rescue ship pass me because they saw no signs of life on the shore. That having been said, it’s again one of those human instincts that’s hard to avoid, so I usually give myself a while to suck on my thumb and sulk, and then I snap out of it. The world doesn’t revolve around me.

10. Listen to soppy love songs that hurt :

I remember in my teen years I had the undeniable honour of playing the role of shoulder-to-cry-on for a good friend who went through a most difficult break-up, and she would play the song “Miss You Like Crazy” by The Moffat over and over again on loop (and welcome fresh tears every time it started again). Listening to all those songs that we shared together is going to hurt. There’s no doubt about it. So of course, if it’s tearing me up inside and causing sixty-nine degrees of hurt then no, I’m going to choose radio silence instead. At least until I’m further along in the heartache-recovery programme.

11. Stop listening to soppy love songs that hurt :

But love songs are everywhere. They are going to be on every single radio station, in every mall, at every diner, in every taxi, and on my random Spotify or 8tracks playlists. Unfortunately, some warped kind of selective cognitive disposition means I’m just going to be more attuned to their existence. I really doubt it makes any sense to run from them though. Yeah, it’s sad. Yeah, it reminds me that I’m kind of sad. Big deal. Maybe not immediately, but at some point I’ll start hearing them as “just another sad love song” which doesn’t have to necessarily be “rackin’ my brain like crazy”. (Yeah, I’m old school like that, go Toni!)

12. Not allow myself to enjoy life :

Nobody’s worth feeling so miserable for that could ever even begin to justify denying myself the ability to enjoy life or be happy. Life was great before them, it was great with them, there’s no reason why life after them shouldn’t be just as great, just as it was before. Well, yeah, things might have changed, but my life is my own to live the way I want to. I choose to be happy. Being happy doesn’t mean I love them any less, or valued the relationship any less, or that I’m not sad it ended. It’s just my choice to be happy in that particular moment. And the next. And the next. And the next.

13. Not allow myself to cry :

Choosing to be happy doesn’t mean I deny myself tears as an outlet and form of expression of my feelings. Just like wallowing in self-pity, this might just be one of those things one needs to do in order to move on, and holding back the tears, trying to be strong, might just make things worse. It doesn’t apply to everyone, but I recognize that crying is part of my grieving process, and that I need to let it all out before I can feel better. It doesn’t make me less tough of a cookie than I am.

14. Be afraid to be alone :

Some people like to surround themselves with busy activities and the bustle of people to distract themselves and avoid being alone with their thoughts and grief and questions and… well there’s just so many things to run away from, aren’t there. I’ve found it actually quite refreshing to just sit for a while in a quiet place and let all these thoughts overwhelm me, and then chase them away. I think they call this meditation, but I don’t want to scare myself with big spiritual-sounding words. But of course, it takes time to go from hugging my knees to my chest in the dark and feeling alone and unloved to hugging my knees to my chest in the dark and feeling like I love myself and glad to be alive no matter what. But I know it’s just a matter of time.

15. Avoid meeting new people :

When the hurt is this raw, it’s hard to even think about starting anything new with someone else, like, WTF?! But meeting new people is not thinking about getting into a new relationship. It is exactly what it is: Meeting. New. People. And what’s great about that is it distracts you for a while – you have to be nice and cheerful (or at least non-depressive) and force yourself out of your heartache-stupor when meeting new people. Well, at least that’s the way it is with me (I don’t know what crazy things you do when you meet new people). I think anything that forces me out of my comfort zone, or that comfortable hole it’s easy to dig for myself as I do a bit of wallowing, is a good idea. In fact, doing anything that doesn’t feel comfortable, sounds like a good idea.

16. Avoid thinking of them :

I’m only human. They are going to come to mind. When I see things that remind me of conversations we’ve had. When I hear songs that we shared. When I am on the toilet and doing absolutely nothing but staring at the splinter in the door. There’s almost no way I’m going to beat them (thoughts of them), so why not just join them? I try and embrace them. And when I do, I don’t…The more you think, the better chances are that you will be able to accept reality.

17. Believing that the relationship was a mistake :

If you have friends like mine, you’re probably going to hear a lot of this one. “Ah well, tough luck, it didn’t work, just learn from it then.” Learn what, exactly, pray tell? Sure, I’m all from learning from relationships and becoming a better, more mature, better-developed person. But I have a few issues with this piece of advice. One, that’s like saying that the relationship was a mistake; I don’t believe in any relationship ever being a mistake. Two, learning why this failed has almost no bearing on preventing the next one from failing. Three, there just isn’t any right or wrong when it comes to love. There is no standard answer sheet from which to mark against.

18. Guard my heart more :

This piece of advice goes hand-in-hand with the above one. Don’t let yourself be so vulnerable. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Don’t invest all of yourself into something next time. Yeah, well, then what? Hold back from loving utterly and completely? Don’t give a 100% of myself to the next person or next relationship? I’m sorry, but isn’t it quite unfair that the next person hasn’t even come into my life and already they’re being punished for the ‘crimes’ of the person before them? They’re being deprived the full experience of receiving all my love because I need to be wary of getting my heart broken again and therefore should give less love? I think that’s absolute bollocks. It doesn’t mean that if you invest only 30% of your heart and keep 70% for yourself, that you will only experience 30% of hurt when it doesn’t work out. If I’m going to experience 100% heartache anyway, I bloody well love a full 100%, thoroughly and truthfully. Sort of like getting my heartache’s worth, eh?

No matter how many breakups or how many heartbreaks, I don’t plan to ever stop feeling or believing in love. Love is what makes my heart sing, it’s what makes me want to be a better person, it’s what makes me want to reach out and touch someone else’s heart. I don’t see a lost relationship as losing love, I see it as gaining love. Just when you thought you couldn’t feel more love for another person, you do. And your heart grows just that little bit more. And it gets filled with more loving feelings. And makes you a more loving, giving, kinder person. And so, lucky be the next person to experience my love. Cuz’ that’s a whole lot of loving I have to give. Love M


About the author :  Michelle is an independent writer who writes about various topics like travel,love and life.She has travelled vastly and  believes in living life to the fullest.Not only is she a blogger also a songwriter and a dancer.She goes by the pen name of Mitz Uninspired. Follow her at :

Blog : http://inspiremisilly.wordpress.com/
Instagram :krazimitzi


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